Feels like home

Back at site. It feels like home. Finally.

PC is two separate lives:
Life one: Training, weekends, and vacations with PC buddies. Feels just like college, study abroad, and sometimes tourist trips with friends. Like college, its chill, but somehow fun even though you’re not doing anything besides watching movies and eating crackers and peanut butter. This is what I will miss most when I go back. This is the Keep-you-sane part of Peace Corps.
Life two: Me in my village, only white person who lives in Dordabis proper. I’m constant entertainment for others. The daily grind of going to school. There are serious ups, like sunsets, or goat babies, or when my kids come to visit me. Then there are serious downs like homesickness, wanting to murder kids, dealing with everything Namibian (taking forever to do things, wild chaos, focus on appearances). This is the roller coaster, life-changing part of Peace Corps.

Random thoughts:
I remember reading in someone’s blog that the PCVs liked to look back and see what they looked like at Staging because we all looked so different. I didn’t really believe I’d look different. But now my hair is the longest its been since sophomore year of high school, and it’s the blondest its been since I was, what, 4? I’m getting a great farmers tan. I’m also fatter than I was when I left. So . . . they were right. Also, we all looked so young then, and it was only 7 months ago!

Latin America was easy to love—all I had to do was walk off the plane. Everything was wonderful from the first (music, people, food, culture). But Africa is like that troubled child in your class. Most times you are wrestling with it, trying to get it not to sabotage itself, clashing heads, and suddenly there are moments of great love. Or like an unfamiliar taste in your mouth: it just takes some getting used to. Africa is not easy to love, but it’s growing on me.

By the way, I never would have taught middle school or come to Namibia if it wasn’t for Peace Corps. And I’m thankful, because it’s an experience I would’ve been missing. It will teach me how to teach better for any level, and it will help me to recognize problems I would’ve overlooked otherwise.

Changes I didn’t foresee in myself, but they’re there:
Appearance—farmer’s tan and blonde tips, longer hair.
Becoming a kid person. (What the crap?)
Becoming a good hostess: always offering something to drink, making small talk, wanting people to come over to my house all the time.
Becoming totally open to any random person staying with me at any time. Also, open to calling up totally random almost-strangers to stay with them.
I let go of my former life. I can’t even salsa dance in my room anymore because its too painful for my psyche. I let go of Spanish. I know I’ll get back to it. Even if it takes a few years.
Not even caring if a cockroach gets in my bed anymore.
Liking things from the U.S. that I never really liked when I was in the U.S.: peanut butter, incense and candles, action movies, chips, corny sitcoms, commercials, etc.

One of the major lessons I learned in Grad school was how to be happy alone. After living with a college roommate in my room for 4 years, and living at my Mom’s house during breaks, it was a hard lesson to learn. Mainly because I had too much work to spend much time with friends.
Anyhow, by the end of grad school, I knew how to be alone and happy. But it’s causing problems now. I doubt I’ll ever be integrated in the community if I keep being ok being alone. I mean I could live the 2 years perfectly content going to school during the day and watching movies at home during the afternoons and evenings. But it wouldn’t really be Peace Corps. I think in these two years I’m going to learn how to be with people again.

Ten years ago I was in high school and wanted to be a missionary for the Southern Baptist Church (hah!). Now, I’ve lived in Southwest VA, Tucson AZ, Mexico, Costa Rica, and Namibia, and I speak Spanish. Seriously now, where is my life taking me?

THINGS I LIKE ABOUT NAMIBIA:
Sunsets/sunrises
I can see mountains outside my window.
People have absolutely no inhibitions when it comes to dancing or singing. It’s wonderful.
Being in touch with nature.
Being able to walk to work.
People pick up hitchhikers! Awesome!
Tribe mentality—people care for their own.
Plurality, understanding multiple languages
Emphasis on family
The way people on the street will help me without me asking them for help.
Namibians are not afraid to ask for things. (This is also annoying).
Greetings must be said to everyone. (This is also annoying sometimes).
The way people turn up unexpectedly and will help you with whatever you are doing. (This is also annoying sometimes).
Goats. Baby goats are so damn cute. (They are also annoying sometimes).
Wild animals everywhere.
Clotheslines.
Don’t need a tool for anything.
The way PCVs share things and bond.
I look like crap, and people still think I’m beautiful.
Body hair is really no big deal here.
Kids. (They are also annoying sometimes).
Otjiherero music.
Some people still wear traditional dress.
Weather is normally hot. Yes!
Night skies are amazing. You can see stars right down to the horizon. You can see the milky way.